Okay, so we know that long-term eating sensibly and exercising regularly is the best approach to all-round good health.

But summer is coming, we feel like shit and look like rice pudding in shorts – we need to act fast. Sensible is for the winter months. Follow these five workout ideas for the fastest route to burning the bulge…

1. Get thee to a treadmillery

Running – especially on an incline – is one of the best ways to burn calories fast. Whether on the road or in the gym, a good, intensive run will give your body a cardiovascular workout, and tone your legs and tum.

Make sure that you warm-up properly – especially if you haven’t jogged for a while – and protect your joints and feet by wearing well-fitting trainers and knee supports.

2. No heavy petting, no bombing

Swimming is an all-round brilliant workout – just look how skinny fish are. But to really benefit, you have to actually swim. Not lounge about floating on your back and having a little think, not paddling up and down the shallow end like a happy Labrador, but proper up-and-down lengths, for a solid hour. It’ll feel nice and then it’ll wreck – that’s how you know it’s working.

3. Stroll to the Finnish line

Nordic walking is a form of walking using poles. Done correctly it is far more intense than a normal stroll and works your whole body. An hour and a quarter of Nordic walking will burn around 500 calories, but because your body is supported by the poles, you feel less knackered than a jog or power walk. Clever.

4. Let’s Get It On (but at a robust pace and with maximum effort please)

Yes, as it says in the bible, perhaps: shagging is great. Not only is it fun, not only does it make boys and girls like you, but it also burns a devil load of calories in just one easy session.

But this isn’t a case of lying back and thinking of England, no, this is a case of jumping around and thinking of the whole England team. Energetic bedness will work through several hundred calories per half an hour…

5. Pump it up

Of course you could just hand over the reigns to a scary, grimace-grinning fitness instructor at a Body Pump class.

The latest in paid-for-calorie-scorching-masochism, Body Pump is apparently the most popular group fitness routine of all time, and uses barbells and weights to a hardcore aerobic workout.

It hurts like fuck but by Jove does it do the job.

Image: jzmolek

While our first suggestion, the gym, may seem the obvious choice, Kate Diamond takes you through another nine novel ways to burn the calories without burning out.