Dear David… I can’t stop drinking like a student

This week’s question for our agony uncle, David Allen, is from Gavin, who hasn’t been able to quit uni-style boozing and soon turns 30.

Dear David,

While I was at Uni I used to drink socially along with everyone else. There was a pretty full-on drinking culture, in that we drank most nights (lots of cheap deals and two-for-ones in clubs) and then hair of the dog the next day.

It wasn’t a problem, other than the hangovers, but then as I graduated and tried unsuccessfully to get a job in my chosen field (instead getting stuck in a boring corporate job that I hate) I found that my friends were drinking less, restricting it to weekends mostly, and I was left drinking on my own most nights. Generally not enough to get too drunk, four or five beers, but recently I’m finding I literally cannot go a day without drinking.

I drink at lunchtime (to help numb the mediocrity of my afternoons) and then buy beer as soon as I get off the tube from the off-licence nearest my shared house. When I socialise, I always end up making a fool of myself, even with my oldest friends who I know worry about me, and then I drink in preparation for the next time we meet as I’m so nervous because of what a fool I was last time. I don’t have the time or energy to concentrate on getting the job I want, I’m 30 this year and fed up. I know it’s spiralling but I don’t know what to do.

Gavin.

DAVID ALLEN’S ADVICE

Dear Gavin,

You have made a significant first move in acknowledging that you have a problem, though that by itself isn’t going to make all the changes you want because, as you say, you don’t know what to do.

To stop the spiral there are some things in your life you need to change now and to make a start on those you can alter some practical, material stuff just to get a foot in the door, a way to slow down, a way to begin to disrupt the progress of the addiction which will then allow you to address the underlying issues supporting this destructive behaviour. These initial changes are not a cure, nor need they be permanent they are a way of slowing the spinning wheel, a spanner in the works, a way to force a change, for after that has been accomplished you will be in a better place to resolve the problem completely.

Firstly ask yourself what benefits you are getting from your close and worrying relationship with alcohol, what emotional needs are being addressed? If necessary make a list. It must be doing something for you otherwise you wouldn’t use it. Remember, the booze is your way of solving a problem and to an extent it works, it’s just that the medium to long term effect of this particular medication always becomes more damaging than the initial needs.

When you have that list make another list of things you can get involved with or do that might provide some relief for the issues you are currently anaesthetising with alcohol. Perhaps join a club, try that hobby you’ve always wanted to have a go at, in short force some changes into your life’s routine to begin to disrupt the spiral. Whilst you may feel it is a major step you might want to find a local AA meeting and just turn up, alternatively you may have a friend in whom you can confide. Don’t just think of things, write them down!

The process is firstly to change the current behaviour in some way even if that means using will power. Secondly take steps to resolve the underlying emotional negativity that creates the needs you are so desperately trying to satisfy and there are many ways of doing the second part of this.

Initially you might want to look at my on-line programme or buy a self help book or CD many of which will be very helpful if you are open and able to accept the philosophies within. You could also see a therapist. Once you are mostly clear of the currently destructive behavioural patterns you will be more able to progress this second stage successfully.

Your life can be just what you want it to be and it really is worth it to make that happen.

David.

WHO IS DAVID ALLEN?

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