That’s right, we’re all doomed. Well, 99 in the hundred of us are anyway.

According to the Mail, where they call us Britons instead of Brits, because they’re like that, only one in a hundred of us have a diet that is healthy and not too high in sugar, salt and fat.

Children who are clumsy will exercise less and become obese in later life, says a new study.

The research began 50 years ago and found that kids who hand control and co-ordination were lacking, were more prone to weight gain as adults.

The legendary soul singer, Scientologist and South Park favourite was found dead at his Memphis home on Sunday, the cause of death has now been announced as stroke.

No autopsy was carried out but the cause of death was given as a stroke in the paperwork filed by the Hayes’ family doctor, who had been treating Isaac for high blood pressure.

This week’s question for our agony uncle, David Allen, is from Gavin, who hasn’t been able to quit uni-style boozing and soon turns 30.

Dear David,

While I was at Uni I used to drink socially along with everyone else. There was a pretty full-on drinking culture, in that we drank most nights (lots of cheap deals and two-for-ones in clubs) and then hair of the dog the next day.

So does this mean normal water is fattening?!

According to the Daily Mail, ‘marketing men’ (grr, those jerks again) say that the new product, Skinny Water, is made to suppress hunger and fight fat.

But the exact skinny science behind all those is a bit more woolly. In other words, no clinical trials have been carried out.

Imagine getting all the benefits of exercising every day - by simply taking a pill.

I know, it seems too good to be true, doesn’t it? I think we all like the idea of losing weight, getting fit and improving our muscle tone without even getting out of breath.

Seriously? 33 stone. In 15 years. That’s over two stone a year on average, and for a few of those years she was a baby and toddler.

We’re all for understanding, but this is pretty inexplicable. And yes, there are reasons why some people put more weight on than others, there is such a thing as puppy fat and there have always been podgy kids. But 33 stone?

The original Hollywood glamour puss, who had multiple husbands and on-set shenanigans when Angelina Jolie was a twinkle in a (Midnight) cowboy’s eye, is looking close to the edge.

The frail 76-year-old was diagnosed with pneumonia last week, and was put on a life support machine after suffering congestive heart failure.

Oh heck, you don’t even have to be a smoker any more to be at risk of death and the like. So even if you’ve quit, or always managed to resist, but your honey is a smoker, you’re far more likely to have a stroke.

So does this mean you should ditch the other-half, or that you may as well join them on their peace pipe as you’re now boned anyway?

Imagine always being hungry and never feeling full. Well, scientists say that’s how a gene linked to obesity causes people to put on weight.

Previous research had long established a link between people who carry the gene known as FTO and obesity.

Police are so desperate to cut youth crime in the UK they are bribing kids with fast food.

Teenagers who promise to be good are being offered discounts on Big Macs and pizzas in a new pilot scheme launched this week in South London.

Basically, anyone aged between 12 and 17 can take part by signing a ‘good behaviour contract’ with the police and the local council in Sutton.