Knob-rot on the rise amongst middle-aged

And if we were a tabloid we’d put man in snarky apostrophes, but we’re just a little bit classier here at DietPixie.

Of course we all know the story. It’s age old. Man meets woman. Falls in love. They decide to have a baby. Man used to be woman until sex change op. Well, partial sex change op. Man still has some of his old womanly bits knocking about. Man carries baby. Goes on Oprah. And now… man has given birth to baby girl.

Watermelon, the juicy, fruity treat that feels great in your mouth and on your… libido. In fact, eating it can have the same effect as Viagra.

Even though 92% of Watermelon is water, 8% is rammed with sexy stuff.

Boffins have discovered that the flesh of the fruit contains an ingredient that effects blood vessels in the same way. Who commissions this research? Who has a hunch that a watermelon could help keep your pecker up? Well, bless their little white lab coats nonetheless.

A massive 90% of blokes aged 15-40 would like to be more muscular, with the favourite body to covet being Brad Pitt’s.

His missus, Angeline Jolie, came second in the league table of ladies whose bodies they admired, with new mum Jessica Alba coming first.

Madonna and Britney: not so good.

Don’t be surprised if you see some of the male athletes competing in the Beijing Olympics competing with huge bulges in their shorts.

No, Linford Christie is not back competing for Great Britain. But if he did, he may have trouble seeing the finishing line, never mind beating everyone else to it.

Why? Well, you see, athletes are now using Viagra to boost their on-the-field performances as well as fueling their legendary off-the–field antics.

Less than two years since Brazilian model, Ana Carolina Reston, died from her eating disorder and everybody wrung their hands about how terrible the whole modelling industry’s pressure is… the Brazilian media have piled into gorgeous Karolina Kurkova for being fat.

Wish I was ‘fat’ in that case.

If you were the NHS, would you want a round of applause from an ailing prime minister, with support from peers and voters diminishing faster than Sarah Harding’s boobs?

No, you bloody well wouldn’t. It’s the kiss of death.

It’s been just a few months since she gave birth and Jennifer Lopez is back in a bikini and looking amazing.

The famous bottom is looking as toned as pre-pregnancy and check out her twins too. Honk.

The pics were taken in Tenerife where J-Lo and husband, oddly-faced Marc Anthony, were relaxing.

What do you get the celebrity who has everything? OCD of course. It’s the celebrity equivalent of the terrapin phase in early-90s Britain.They’ve all gotta have it.

And the latest celebrity to share his mental health woes is Justin Timberlake. Only he’s gone one better than Becks, Jessica Alba and Cameron Diaz. He’s got ADD too. Double whammy.